Pearls Within by Samina Ali

Author:Samina Ali
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781784520366
Publisher: Panoma Press

Step 3

After the processing is complete, then it is time to judge if conversion is required; this would only be required if after processing you have established that you have concluded an unhealthy perception of the situation. Remember an unhealthy perception would be you not being at peace with it.

Samra’s example

Let’s take Samra’s example where her fiancé said to her that she was so overpowering and loud-mouthed when they were arguing. This really upset Samra and subsequently it would have fueled her up for a full-blown argument. This time Samra was ready to apply a healthy thought process because previously after similar augments this would leave her very upset and exhausted. She firstly acknowledged her feelings and understood how strong her feelings were. She wrote them down. She was asked to be specific about how this made her feel. The kind of things she wrote down were: “He has made me feel really insecure about myself;” “I hate him;” “How can he be so horrible to me?” These were her strongest three statements of her feelings, obviously there were more. She was then guided to convert each statement into a healthy one. “He has made me feel really insecure” converted to “Even though he has made me feel very insecure about myself, I prefer him not to say words like he did but I cannot control what he feels about me when we are in a full-blown argument. They are not necessarily feelings about me as a whole but me in this particular argument; they are also not necessarily accurate comments but his perceptions of me and especially a perception of me he creates when we are arguing.” Samra also gave herself the opportunity to assess herself regarding this comment in case there was an element of truth in this and, if so, if modification of character is needed.

“I hate him” was converted to “I don’t hate everything about him; it is these moments of heated arguments when he makes me feel insecure about myself that make me hate him. I prefer not to feel that I hate him as a whole.”

“How can he be so horrible to me?” was converted into “I cannot control what he is saying, even though I would much prefer he didn’t say it the way he did, but I do not necessarily need to accept it like this. I know like me he prefers not to have these arguments, and while having them we both tend to bring out the worst in each other.” This transformation to a healthy conversion of perception of the outcome of an argument cleared Samra’s mind of unnecessary things that would previously lurk in her mind for weeks on end, which was subsequently displayed in her behavior toward her husband causing further problems in their relationship. This shows the power of perceptions.

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